How to Love Your Spouse Without Accidentally Disinheriting Your Kids

Valentine’s Day is this weekend. Look, I love romance as much as the next person. But I’m an estate planning attorney, and I have to tell you something nobody wants to hear: when you get married, you’re signing the biggest financial contract of your life.

If you’re over 60 and getting married again after divorce or losing your spouse, you’re walking into a minefield. And your kids are the ones who’ll step on the mine.

Most people think they need to worry about gold diggers. That’s not the problem. The problem is that your spouse will accidentally disinherit your children, and they won’t even realize they’re doing it.

The “I Love You” Will Is a Disaster

I see the same estate plan over and over. Simple will that says “everything goes to my spouse, and when my spouse dies, everything goes to our kids.”

For a first marriage with shared children, fine. For a second marriage? You just set your kids up to get nothing.

Here’s what actually happens. You die. Your spouse inherits your $2 million. They swear they’ll take care of your kids. They mean it when they say it.

But now they own that money. Not you. Them. Three years pass. They remarry. Their new spouse starts whispering in their ear. Or they get sick and their own kids convince them to “protect the family assets.” Or they just slowly drift away from your children because you were the glue holding everyone together.

When your spouse eventually dies, their will leaves everything to their biological children or their new spouse. Your kids get zero. Not because your spouse was evil. Because you failed to protect them.

The QTIP Trust Actually Works

I use a Qualified Terminable Interest Property Trust. It’s not complicated, it’s just specific.

Your assets go into the trust when you die, not into your spouse’s checking account. Your spouse gets all the income for life. They can live in the house. They’re taken care of completely.

But they cannot change who gets the money when they die. They cannot leave it to their new husband. They cannot leave it to their own kids. When they die, the trust distributes to your children. Period.

You can love your spouse and protect your children. You just can’t do it with a promise.

What Happened to My Dad

I was 30 when I watched my dad’s life get stolen.

He thought he was smart. He had a will. He had basic documents. He thought his wife would take care of his kids because she loved him and she loved us.

She remarried before they even put his headstone in the ground. Within a year, she was dead too.

Thirty years of my father working overtime. Saving instead of spending. Building something for his family.

Gone. All of it.

Her new husband walked away with everything my dad built. A man who showed up after my dad was buried and left with every dollar.

My father made one mistake. He thought love was the same as legal obligation. He thought affection would survive him. It didn’t.

His wife did love us while he was alive. I genuinely believe that. But once he was gone, that love evaporated under pressure from her new husband. If my father had put his assets in a QTIP Trust, she could have lived off the income her entire life. But the principal would have been legally protected for his children. Her new husband couldn’t have touched a penny.

That’s why I do this work. I’m not protecting families from evil people. I’m protecting them from good people who get pressured into making bad decisions after you’re gone.

The Romance Scam You Need to Know About

Since we’re talking about Valentine’s Day, I need to warn you about something the FBI is screaming about: “Pig Butchering” scams.

If you’re single and online, you’re being hunted. Here’s how it works.

You get a text. “Hey lovely, are we still on for coffee?” Or a LinkedIn message about your impressive career. You tell them they have the wrong person. They apologize. But they keep talking to you.

They don’t ask for money. Not for weeks. They build a real connection. They send photos. They remember details about your life. They make you feel seen.

Then casually, almost embarrassed, they mention they’ve been worried about the economy. But their crypto investment is doing surprisingly well. Or their gold trading account. They don’t push it. They just mention it.

Later, they offer to teach you. Just as a friend. They send you a link to a “brokerage site.” You deposit $1,000 to test it. A week later, you see it’s worth $2,000. So you deposit $50,000.

When you try to withdraw, the site says you need to pay taxes first. Another $15,000. You pay it because you want your $50,000 back.

The money is gone. The person is gone. The website disappears.

If anyone you meet online mentions investing, crypto, or trading in the first month of knowing you, block them immediately. Real romantic interests don’t give you financial advice. Scammers do.